i don't know...

where to start.

i can think of almost no way in which this month has not sucked.

i have nothing left.

i wish i had the energy to lament the total loss of all emotional function.

but i don't.

i'm done.

stick a fork in me.

out.

ps, for anyone looking for me on facebook, don't. i have disabled chat there for the time being.

i may be found in regular chat outlets. or email.

or not at all.

hard to say.

another look out...

today's window.

message to a once friend...

i really don't know what to do.
i don't remember "right now" at all.
i don't know what the word friend means anymore. but i don't think of you as one. right now. i used to. perhaps someday i will again. i don't know. and i don't know how to go about letting you back in.
i guess it comes down to why should i trust you?
part of me really really really wants you back in my life.
part of me doesn't.
i have no idea what any of this means, no idea whether it means anything at all, etc. many things in my life have changed in the last few years. some things haven't.
what do i do?
i don't know.

dj night

also known as endless hours of pain and suffering to be closely followed by headaches lasting for days. but at least the pay is mediocre.

on the plus side, there are a great many attractive young womens here in skimpy outfits.

of course, none of them would ever even know i was alive.

prolly for the best, given what i have seen so far. best to forget them and move on.

more later. depending on how bored i get during this night.

out.

is this..

what i have become?

what i do?

what there is?

where i am?

where my life is going?

all?

fear/love pt1

the fear surrounds me

takes me in

courses through me

is it inside

do i ride within it

or am i the vehicle of its expression

the love surrounds me

but it cannot come in

it does not dwell within

for my walls of pain and fear

remain impenetrable

do i fear love

am i comfortable in fear

yes

comfortable

afraid

alone

hey,

I see dead people.